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Return of The Rock

 NOTICE! We had filmed this interview, but an elephant sat on our camera. :| Fortunately, we saved this transcript. Enjoy!


  • This is a Transcript of an interview conducted 3/31/2022


Joseph: Hello Folks! Coming to you live from Frans, the one dorm on Christendom that actually gets WIFI, it's Yesterday Christendom! Today we have a special guest who was previously interviewed by the Rambler. I am excited to be bringing you this exclusive interview, but first, I should let him introduce himself. 


Rock: …


Subtitles: (Smiling and nodding along in that weird style of News Anchors)


Rock: …


Subtitles: (He continues to nod and smile, but he is not insane, he’s just a news anchor)


Rock: …


Joseph: Wow! Seems like you’ve had quite a busy career since we’ve seen you last. I’d like to talk to you a bit more about how your work influences Christendom. I think that is a topic of great interest to our viewers.


Rock: …


Joseph: Oh really? 


Subtitles: (He says this with just a bit too much enthusiasm)


Rock: …


Joseph: Fascinating! I can’t believe that I didn’t know that before. I’d hate to be one of those ignoramuses that don’t know that. 


Rock: …


Joseph: Really? That professor is involved? That explains a lot. Now, you seem to be a busy sort of fellow, but I am told that you have found time to write a book. 


Subtitles: He picks up a book with a glossy cover. The rock is pictured on the cover)


Joseph: Rocking on: How Hard Work Led to my Success. I read a bit of this before the interview, and I have some questions. Well, I didn’t really. I had the interns do that. Anyways, in chapter 1, you recount your childhood. Did you really feel taken for granite in your family?


Rock: … (answered with a slight glare)


Joseph: Wow, sounds like that wasn’t very gneiss


Rock: … (replies with a slight air of annoyance) 


Joseph: And in Chapter 2, you reveal that you didn’t have a concrete idea of what you wanted to do in life.


Rock: … (visibly annoyed at the puns)


Joseph: Further, in chapter 3, you say that you were asked to smoke weed with someone, but you didn’t want to get stoned.


Subtitles: (Rock stares at the anchor for a second. Then he stands up and walks off set.)


Joseph: Okay.


Subtitles: (He turns to face a different camera)


Joseph: Coming up next. We’re going to teach you how to be more popular by pointing out your roommate's flaws in public. This has been Christendom Yesterday! Have a Lovely day!
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